Unique Problem

Most people have problems that they don't like to talk about. For example, Derek Zoolander was embarrassed to admit that he couldn't turn left. However, he stood up and admitted his problem, finding acceptance in the world, and eventually doing what he previously had thought to be impossible.

Today, I will join the ranks of the others as noble as he.
Today, I will admit that I can't run.

Well, I mean, I can move my feet in a walking motion that is quicker than normal, while gaining a good deal of speed. However, it looks something like this:

That's right. I don't really lack the inability to run. I lack the ability to run in public (which is where most people run). Who wants to see this coming at them at 10 MPH:

I know I certainly don't. That one arm just has a mind of its own and windmills around at unpredictable speeds. It's absolutely unsafe. Make sure to protect your children from this eyesore:

Also, it seems that the power of the windmilling action sucks the air out of my lungs by creating a vacuum. It's pretty dumb, if you ask me.

Well, I can always consider the career of Women's Fastpitch pitcher.